Going out to get pizza

We are off on a house trip--to the pizza place across Aurora to buy the food we are going to eat for dinner. There wasn't enough food in the fridge to make anything edible.

The evening entertainment? David's idea. I pick my favorite Rockford Files, he picks his favorite West Wing, and we watch them together. Jason, as always on a Friday night, will be upstairs under his covers watching the underground bestiality videos he bought in Laos.

Tomorrow, it's New Year's Eve. We haven't been invited to any parties yet, but we are assuming that a worldwide cell phone outage is responsible (a delayed aftereffect of the tsunami--Jason has the math to prove it). Our backup plan is watching the band "Awesome" at Capitol Hill Arts Center.

Gonzaga and Jason Defeated

Oh what a night it was at 7502. A night for Dance Dance Revolution. A night for karaoke. A night for tape-delayed non-conference basketball. All in all, a night that would represent a special circle of hell for any person with even the slightest degree of sophistication.

Jason and Seth watched the Gonzaga-Memphis game. We were rooting for Gonzaga, of course, because the more games the Zags win, the better the Huskies (who beat them) look. Don't care? Good. The Zags lost when Adam Morrison's pact with the devil ran out about 15 minutes into the second half. Prior to that, he was flipping up shots that would get you laughed out of a JV middle school scrimmage, and hitting them. Scary.

Carrie, Nate and Sonny joined us for the last few minutes of the game. As soon as it was over, the dance pads came out on the floor and it was time to groove. At 7502, we can go from being F.X. McCrory's to the Ballroom in minutes.

After some early struggles, our visitors got the hang of it--but insisted that DDR Gods Jason and Seth tax their limitations by trying something harder than "beginner."

When legs tired, the dance pads were removed and the singing began. Yes, it was a karaoke rumble, topped off by Seth's 3-1 series victory over Jason. It should be noted that Seth was fresh, and Jason had already sung Three Dog Night's notorious throat-shredder "Joy to the World." Perhaps a fairer matchup is in order. Until then...KOLLOENS RULE! MCDONALDS DROOL!

Back in the Swing

There wasn't much excitement at 7502 during the holidays. We all returned to the bosoms of our collective families for prezzies and ham.

But, now--having fulfulled that aggravating obligation, we can return to what we love best--watching tape-delayed non-conference college basketball.

Tonight we invite one and all over to watch #7 Gonzaga play #4 Memphis. Should be a good game. The "real" start time is 4pm, but we are Tivoing it and having our own 7pm start.

Come on over!

1950s Office Party a Santa Size Success

"Best party of the year." -Matt Silvie

Party Photos

The spirit of the season was in full blast to the max Saturday night, as the employees of Allen and Simmons celebrated their annual holiday party. This morning, during a meeting to announce massive layoffs at the company, President Fulton M. Wilder declared it to be the greatest holiday party since 1941 STOP

Thanks to all who showed up--it was the best-attended party at 7502. With over 50 guests it was an excellent event for goosing…hey it was 1950s-themed, Toots.

Before the party President Eisenhower was placed atop the tree and Seth popped in his new Christmas Swing CD featuring Benny Goodman, Tommy Dorsey, and Shep Fields.

Jason, who prepared an absolutely outstanding batch of adult Jello, managed to stay awake and sober throughout the party, and ended the night (3am) by going to bed on his terms.

Many "lady guests" were upset that the only job titles on female name tags were secretary, typing pool, and caffateria staff. We apologized and explained that although we didn't condone the sexiest atmosphere of 1950s corporate America, we remained willing to take advantage of this for comedic purposes. Jason would then apply their name tags firmly to their breasts--with his teeth.

David and Seth were both disappointed that no one approached them to tell them how funny their fake 1950s memos were. Both agreed the party was a rousing success, the fact that no one told them how brilliantly hilarious and clever they are will, just as it does in their day to day lives, continue to bother them…we wish we were making this up.

Guests were treated to Egg Nog and rum, a special kind of Orange Julius, and of course The Dickel.

The next morning 7502 resembled a frat house. Among the empty keg cups and beer bottles was a prosthetic leg lying on the living room floor, a half destroyed gingerbread house, and a dead police horse stuck in the garbage disposal.

It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Party--A Success

Thank you to everyone who came to our party Saturday night. We had a great time and hope you did too. A longer recap post is on the way, but, now, for your viewing displeasure, here are photos.

Holiday Party Reminder

Allen/Simmons Corporation
"Building the future, one vacuum tube at a time."



From: Mr. Fulton M. Wilder, President

To: All Allen/Simmons Employees

This has been a great year for Allen/Simmons Corporation. Sales are up, production efficiencies have reduced our overhead, and the market for vacuum tubes looks like it will be strong well into the 21st century. To kickoff your holiday season, please join us at the annual holiday office party.

The party is Saturday, at our corporate offices, 7502 Winona Ave. N. It begins at 9pm. There is no scheduled end time, but be advised that, no matter how festive you get on Saturday night, come Monday morning all employees are expected to be at their desks at the regular time.

Mr. Raymond M. Chesterfield, V-P of Accounts Receivable, is making his famous punch and Chex Mix, but employees should bring beer and/or liquor to keep the yule cheer going.

When you enter the building, be sure to check in with Mr. Donald Watson, VP of Distribution.

Thank you, and I hope to see you there.

Sincerely,

Mr. Wilder

The Lessons Are Over

Trying to teach Seth to drive stick was a mistake.

Clear the DVD Player, It's Rockford Time

Finally, on December 6th, Universal Studios released Season One of the greatest program in television history, Rockford Files, on DVD. Those of you who know me well know that I bought it that day. Oh yes.

I was expecting a riot at Fry's Electronics, but, surprisingly, I was able to grab a copy right off the shelf without having to hit anyone. Still, I'm glad I brought my brass knuckles--that Salvation Army guy was ringing his bell a little more loudly than I cared for. BOOSH!

Make haste to our basement if you've ever wanted to see:

Rockford Files.
A man watching Rockford Files
Two men angrily asking the man watching Rockford Files if he "plans to go back to work anytime this week."

A Rockford Files-watching party (or, televisual feast) is in the works. Stay tuned. Or, as Jim Rockford would say: "keep cool, Paco. Cha-cha-cha."

Come one, come all

The halls have yet to be decked, there isn't a scrap of holly anywhere in la casa, and the mistletoe is sitting on the dining room table beneath yesterday's Seattle times, but the funk of Christmas is in the air at 7502.

Over the past few days, with assistance from my dad and Seth, I covered the front of the house with Christmas cheer--in the form of lights purchased at Fred Meyer and Walmart. Last night, the project was completed after a number of trips to la casa's summit by your correspondent to secure the final two strings of lights.

Between the lights on the outside and the soon-to-be-decked grand fir in the front window you can expect heavy gawking traffic on Winona for the rest of the month. Don't say we didn't warn you.

You'll have a great chance to admire the glow on December 17th when you come over for our 50's Office Party-themed Holiday Party.

PARTY THEME CHANGE!!!

RED ALERT!

We are changing the theme of our Dec. 17th party from the all-holiday party to the 50s office party. See this post for more details (also available under Upcoming Events to your right).

Note--the only alert more urgent than a red alert is an amber alert, used only when David can't find his spaghetti sauce.

UW vs. Gonzaga--twice

David and I watched UW beat Gonzaga last night, and were delerious with happiness all evening. But we had to pretend that it was just another night in our march toward eventual decomposition, because Jason, Carrie and Nate arrived home from their own basketball game at 10pm, in ignorance of the final score, ready to watch the game on TIVO. We donned our poker faces and hid in our rooms, though we really wanted to watch the game again. But we knew that would give away the ending.

Tonight is our Philly cheesesteak party. RSVPed are my cousin Eliza, her husband Levi, David's co-comedy trouper Mark, his girlfriend Joanna, and my sister Meredith. Loud shoutouts to Joanna, who is bringing Philly Cream Cheesecake, and Levi, who is bringing a growler from the Jolly Roger.

Julia Child I Is

Holy poop on a stick.

I made lasagna for five people that resulted in no food poisoning.

I'm a freaking chef.