The Stranger's Sarcastic Issue is Out

That noise you hear is Jason and David rolling their eyes.

THE 2006 STRANGER GENUIS AWARDS: Literature Shortlist

SETH KOLLOEN

The best local sportswriter you've probably never heard of writes online for Seattlest (www.seattlest.com). There, on a near-daily basis, Seth Kolloen—Seattle native, handsome lad, undeniable sports nut—expounds on the triumphs and follies of our local sports teams. Through clean, often blazingly sarcastic writing, Kolloen chronicles everything from local big guns (Seahawks, Sonics, Mariners), college teams, and even our many high-school sports squads. His energy for all things sporty is bottomless, his memory for the geekery necessary for great sports writing vast, and his writing free from the niceties more established sportswriters are shackled by. Few writers in town cover as much with as much passion as Kolloen, and in a perfect world one of our local dailies would snatch him up. Until then, we'll at least be able to read his addictive ravings online. BRADLEY STEINBACHER

This Weekend Jason is...

Fall Fun at 7Five02

As we often yell as passing cars, we love fall.

It is by far our favorite season, and we're not just saying that to get back at spring for that stunt it pulled a few years ago. We genuinely find fall to be our favorite season.

This weekend may the falliest of them all at 7502.

Green Lake is decked out in yellow, orange, and red leaves. It may not be Vermont, but it's gorgeous enough-- and besides it's not like we're looking to harvest syrup, get universal health care, and wrestle an alligator. Along with the colorful foliage we are also enjoying the lingering warm weather. It may not be LA in October warm, but the last few days the temperatures have wafted up into the seventies, making evening runs around the lake wondefully crisp and picturesque.

Fall is also when the best films of the year are released. Tonight Jason and David will grab their scepters, don crowns and head over to the Majestic Bay Theatre to see The Departed. David is so excited he has been screaming, "Do you want them to chop me up, and feed me to the poor!" all afternoon.

Jason has been hard in the work in the kitchen constructing a fall delicacy, pumpkin pie. Even though he forgot the sugar, it still smells and tastes amazing. Especially after he adds his whiskey sauce. In fact, let's put the pie down and stick to the sauce. I lozve when Jayzon cookz...I wanna kiss you."

Finally there are the playoffs and football. There are six League Championship Series games on this weekend, and Seth and David intend to watch every one. Toss in a pilgrimage to Husky Stadium on Saturday afternoon and the Seahawks, now very important game, vs. the Rams on Sunday morning, and well if you're a woman and you have something to say to these guys, you may want to wait until late Sunday night.

David is also seeing the Dead Sea Scrolls on Saturday morning. There really isn't a autumnal tie in here, he just wanted to mention that. What an ass.

It's fall and we are making the f-bomb most of it.

The Local Papers are Not Kind to Coach Jason

Cosmos should stop making excuses, start making progress
By Steve Kelley
Seattle Times staff columnist

How many times does this need to be said?

The Cosmos are in trouble. In trouble with their fans. In trouble with the Woodland Park Soccer Association. How many times does this need to be said?

Yesterday, with a chance to show they belonged, with a chance to show that their early season success wasn’t a fluke the Cosmos lost 2-0 to the Tigers.

The Cosmos have to be honest with themselves. They have to, once and for all show their fans that they aren't all about post game hot dogs. That they don't believe just eating the half time snacks are good enough. That they can dream big.

The Cosmos need change.

But change isn't coming.

Winning seems to matter very little to these parents.

The Cosmos sent their season-ticket holders a letter telling them, in so many words, that the franchise is progressing quite nicely.

At least that appears to be what they are telling their most loyal ticket buyers, because the letter, says Head Coach Jason McDonald and Coach Brian will return next season.

It calls McDonald and Coach Brian "the right people to lead us to the next level."It also acknowledges that the Cosmos have been in a rebuilding program since 2004.

Who knew?

The Cosmos never won when they needed to win. They sort of played themselves into contention several times, then tightened with stage fright when the games got more meaningful.

They fattened their record on the weak of the weak of Shoreline and West Ballard's dreary Under 14 teams.

The letter says the Cosmos were the second-youngest team in Woodland Park, next to the Mini-Wolves. But compare the talent of the Mini-Wolves young players with the Cosmos'. It's no contest.

How many times does this need to be said?

The Cosmos have to stop making excuses and start making real progress.

The season-ticket holders, who were wondering if McDonald and Coach Brian would return, got their answer this week.

It was the wrong answer.

Today's Discussion at 7502

Seth: He ran out of his shoe and #66 still couldn't catch him.

Jason: #55

Seth: The guy who was chasing him: #66.

Jason: It was #55.

Seth: I think it was #66.

Josh: It was #65. Let's compromise.

Seth: Fair enough.


You guys missed out.

PLUS, Jason's comments made it on Deadspin today--twice! That means he's posted or commented on three different blogs this week. You know you're jealous.

If you want to read Jason's wit, check out these links and look for jmcdoggy:

Number 1

Number 2

Look Who's 30 Today

The Playoffs: David and Seth v. The DVR

There is nothing David and Seth love more than big time baseball action. They love it so much that they tend to screw up royally when trying to use the DVR to watch biggest games of the season.

With the playoffs once again dominating the downstairs televisions, driving Jason up upstairs to IM his friends from his days living in DC, it’s another chance for these two to screw up again. You won’t want to miss the look on their face when they realize what they have done. Plus the cursing shower that follows is quite amusing.

Add to this Saturday’s Husky game v. USC and exciting Cal vs. Oregon action, and well, there are sure to be big plays and exciting come from behind rallies missed entirely.

Still not convinced to stop by? Well what if we told you that Michelle’s beagle Jasper will be a 7502 houseguest for the next four days. Is that something you might be interested in?

Playoff baseball, big time college football, a rambunctious dog, and finger pointing—it’s going to be a great weekend of door slamming at 7502.

We're feeling good about life

The University of Washington Men's Football team is 4-1, after going down to Tucson, beating the Arizona Wildcats, and ogling their hot coeds. Seth and Jason listened to the game in the living room, texting updates to David.

David missed listening to most of the game because he was celebrating his anniversary with What's Her Name? (we're pretty sure it starts with an s and ends with an a, we all adore her), so congrats to them.

The postgame party was at Beso del Sol, where we salsaed (that doesn't look right) with Saira's new classmates before rolling on to the Blue Moon for last call.

Woodland Cosmos Update: The boys had a ton of chances today, but only scored on one. It was good enough for a 1-0 win.