Intruder? No, Seth's Sister

Since we didn't have any rooms to paint, we decided to head down to our walk-in refrigerator basement last night and watch Monday Night Football while we chowed down on Thanksgiving leftovers.

All was well--Jason and David were lampooning Seth, who retaliated by spilling baked beans on himself, Indianapolis was getting the benefit of some very questionable calls--when we heard a door open, and footsteps above us. Seth crept upstairs stealthily, making not a single sound excepting his call of "hey, intruder!"

It turned out to be Meredith, returned from an evening of shopping at Target, demanding that we join her at this new Scottish bar next door for drinks. Which we did, as the football game was out of reach.

At the bar, Seth tried to find a good deal on drinks and had this exchange with the bartender (we only overheard the first part):

"How much for a scotch and soda?"

"Okay, how much for just a scotch then?"

"Well, that doesn't make any sense."

Eventually he settled for a Coke, poured into his hands for a dime.

After one drink and some good mozzarella sticks, we returned home and started a roaring fire. Saira called, so we said goodbye to Jason for the night. David went to bed early, but Seth stayed up reading, hoping to see the first snowflakes of the season. They never came.

Mooching off Jason's little sister

Erin McDonald is a designer for Ralph Lauren. She has a very exciting life that includes running the NY marathon and hanging out with various celebrities at hotspots around the Big Apple. This Saturday, you can take advantage of knowing her brother, his roommates, or at least the address of this blog by joining in our Friends and Family Shop-stravaganza at Seattle Premium Outlets.

Erin was nice enough to give us a coupon good for 30% off anything at the Ralph Lauren Outlet, so we will be rolling out to Seattle Premium Outlets (you know they are premium because they are next to an Indian casino and Walmart) accompanied by anyone who wants to pile on the savings.

If you are interested in coming: call, email, telegram, or stop by 7502 to let us know. The store opens at 9am and USC-UCLA is on at 1:30pm, so we'll probably leave around 8:30-8:45am.

Sunday Breakfast

This morning Jason made (from scratch) crepes filled with smoked salmon, grilled red peepers, onions, ricotta cheese, chives, parsley, and rose marry. As we dined to the sounds of the Rushmore soundtrack Seth read The Economist…not exactly a git-r-done morning.

Two parties on Thanksgiving!

There were two celebrations at 7502 on Thanksgiving Day. Seth held a Very Special Kolloen Family Thanksgiving in the afternoon, for which he roasted turkey, boiled potatoes, sauteed vegetables, simmered gravy--all in the same pot, for simplicity's sake. The fam seemed pleased. Also, special guests Stacey, Denise, Mark, and Dan.

Young superstars Audrey, Marlei and Nikayla sang Playstation II karaoke downstairs, while, upstairs, us older people discussed vegetable prices and real estate.

After the blood family left, the neighborhood family arrived. Yes, it was the first annual post-Thanksgiving Corliss reunion. The McDonald, Swidler, and Kolloen contingents were present in full, and, since everyone else was out of town, this had to be considered a success. Some honored friends were included as well: Lexi, visiting from Colorado.

There was much revelry, and sharing of memories, and more revelry, and then the memories became hazy, and new memories were made, which are far more hazy. Unfortunately, photography captured these moments forever.

The evening's highlight? Erin's reprise of the famed Garfield High "tricky part" cheer.

Thu. Dec 22nd Poinsettia Bowl Party--Embracing the possibilities

When: 7:30pm

What we will serve: TBD

What to bring: An open mind

Why: Who lives in 7502 Winona? Three dudes.

Three dudes ... none of whom own a truck, a gun, an American flag t-shirt, or even a Larry the Cable Guy DVD.

So, understandably, there have been rumors.

Being the open and accepting people we are, we want to explore the possibilities (while watching football). And what better time than Thursday, December 22nd, when the feyest college bowl game in history takes place: The San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl.

It isn't just the name that makes this bowl perfect for the occasion. It's one of the contesting teams. NAVY!

Please join us as we discuss our feelings, admire the players' tight pants, shout "behave!" at each other, and, possibly, later on, practice scenes from a certain upcoming movie.

Whom to invite: Men.

Sister Visits, Criticizes II

FYI to people roasting vegetables for my sister. She wants a proper turnip/potato ratio. Do not fail.

Yes, Meredith came over for dinner again last night, and brought her beautiful and charming friend Lexi.

I knew both of these girls when they were total screw-ups and look at them now! Meredith supervises people and Lexi skis for a living. At one point I was sure that they'd end up as stoners living in a van. The lesson--I'm a moron.

Jason joined us for a dinner of roasted vegetables and steamed cauliflower with a greens/butter garnish. Yummy. The girls brought a bottle of wine, which we drank while discussing life, love, children, exes, and the current political situation in Togo (Lexi recommends immediate military intervention).

Invitations to the post-Thanksgiving Corliss reunion were extended and accepted.

Taking Reunioning to Another Level

It's a big week for Reunion. In addition to increasing the house's collective girth by 45 lbs. on Thursday, the Corliss Reunion will kick it to another level as we reune with all of our siblings.

My sister Erin arrives tonight from New York City, with her fancy-walking, subway-riding, high-falootin' self. This is great news for la casa, as Erin frequently brings along cast off clothing from her designing gig at Ralph Lauren. Once our collective wardrobe (we share) is buffetted with hot gear from the Big Apple, Winona Avenue North will regain its status as the fashion capital of the Pacific Northwest.

Sat. Dec 17 The 7502 Fifties Office Holiday Party

When: 9pm

What we will serve: Punch, Jello Salads, Martinis.

What to bring: Willingness to embrace the devil-may-care spirit of the 50s office party. And beer.

Why: Office holiday parties, once, were awesome. As evidenced in that classic movie "The Apartment." Now, thanks to sexual harassment ligitation, gender equality, and quite probably, the flouridation of water, the same parties are shells of their former selves. We will recapture the traditional office party. That means mistletoe, ribaldry, inappropriate use of carbon paper, and Jason calling every girl "toots."

What to wear: Whatever you want, but, for guys, a white shirt and a skinny tie would be nice. For girls, I guess those one piece dresses that women wore in the 50s? You'd know better than us.

Whom to invite: Anyone who has not been roped into their office holiday party.

Whom to not invite: The litigation-minded.

Party Awards

Most Unlike Her Sister Award: Kelly, for actually f***ing showing up at our party.

I Forget To Tell You Award: Jason, for bragging that "he could outdrink anyone" but omitting that he'd subsequently pass out before SNL went live on the East Coast.

Best Party Idea: Meredithfor arguing that if we move the booze and food upstairs, people will follow.

Most Outstanding Performer (Adult Division): Mark, who reached platinum status in Karaoke Revolution, singing Beat It without the benefit of a white glove or a prepubescent lover.

Most Outstanding Performer (Youth Division): Nikayla and Audrey, who ignited a near riot with their cheer routines and shouts of "Let's Get this Party Started." Assist to Brandon and Jessica, who brought their brood at the end of a long day of family get-togethers.

Best Couple Dressed as Cowboys After Coming from Gay Bingo: Carrie and Nate. Runner Up: Kelly and Brian.

Best Gift of Alcohol "Accidentally" Stolen from an Emmy After Party: Stacey whose gift of a bottle of Cognac (gone by 1am) was probably meant for Franz Ferdinan, and ended up wetting the whistle of several of or guests. Thanks to the academy.

Best Band: "Awesome." In exchange we will plug their new CD.

Best Hat: Emmy's cat ear wool hat. This adorable head ware was on when she arrived and before she left, why this hat didn't stay on the entire time will be the biggest what if of the evening. Sorry boys.

Best Corporate Sponsor: The Seattle Art Museum

Party MVP: The Dickle

Our photos from the party.

Galen's photos of Jason sleeping through the party.

The Party Part II

At 8:30 Jason retired to the library and did not wake up in his own bed at five in the morning covered in shaving cream and surrounded by all his belongings...oh and there weren't remnants of naughty drawings on his forehead.

For the rest of us the party continued. Now it wasn't just a housewarming party, we had to celebrate my survival of the 2005 election, the veteran's of foriegn wars, the birth of this state and of my grandmother. Also we had to say goodbye to Dave and Stacey who are moving back to BKLY. We celebrated with Irish Car Bombs, a factor that helped to end Jason's night early. Jason you'll never join the IRA if you can't handle those. He was also done in by my brother who spied his opportunity for love and continually spiked Jason's beer with whiskey. Sorry JMac, but Rule Britannia.

As more guests arrived it was time to break out the Dickle, which was consumed quite quickly by our group. Jokes were made, drinks were consumed, bottles were broken, the night ended with karaoke.

At this time instead of dwelling on the people who didn't come, and are now banned from 7502 (Erin Randles, Sarah Bergman, Steve Lewis) we would like to focus on those who did show up on a rainy Seattle night to ring in our new home, celebrate the above mentioned events, and say good-bye to the Heronsteins. Thank you for coming, and to that fellow wearing the plaid pants that I met in the bath tub, consider your Green Card in the mail.

Our photos from the party.

Galen's photos of Jason sleeping through the party.

Warming the house...with a party!

I am happy to announce that our housewarming party came off without a hitch. It started at 4pm with food and drinks with our parents and siblings. I prepared vegetarian pizza, three kinds of beef, and mashed potatoes. Costco prepared a veggie dish. David and Seth prepared some chips and cheeses. We ate and chatted and it was good.
As time passed, friends, cousins, and coworkers started to arrive and the food began to be neglected in favor of adult beverages. Chatting continued and we all thought ourselves much wittier than before.
The party continued in earnest until the wee hours of 8:30pm or so, at which point I'm pretty sure it ended right around then. Seth, David?

Our photos from the party.

Galen's photos of Jason sleeping through the party.

Sister Visits, Criticizes

One genotypical characteristic of us Kolloens is, apparently, a predeliction toward knee-jerk criticism. Thus, when I served my sister some cheese sauce to go with her sauteed vegetables last night, I was not surprised when she offered the constructive: "You screwed up that cheese sauce, Seth."

David still smarts from a bon mot my sister offered when he was gently testing the dating waters. The one-word description rhymed with "new sea."

The reason for her visit? A way station on her march to Karaoke night at the Red Hen, to which Jason, David and I accompanied her.

MVP of the night? Jason, for coming up with a brilliant joke which is unrepeatable, but also for holding high the banner of 7502 songsmanship, with a boisterous version of "Joy to the World" by Three Dog Night. Jeremiah was, indeed, a bullfrog. And they heard that declaration all the way over at Gregg's Greenlake Cycles.

Football (both kinds) and Arrested Development

After watching both the New England Patriots and our adopted English football team, Tottenham Hotspur, lay eggs on Monday, we eagerly awaited the arrival of Margaret, Audrey, and their friend B.J., for whom we had Tivoed a full hour of Arrested Development.

They arrived in high spirits, having just triumphed in their weekly trivia night. We were demoralized, both by the anti-climacticness of the football games, and by the fact that our basement is wet and smelly after last week's deluge. Removing a damp carpet seemed to alleviate the stench.

Our spirits were brightened by Arrested Development, which weekly vaults higher and higher on the pantheon of all-time TV comedies. It's like 1993 Michael Jordan right now.

The first episode was very funny. The second episode was transcendently so. There is a scene in that episode that is one of the very funniest TV comedy scenes ever, rivaling the famed "Basil's arboreal attack on his car" scene from Fawlty Towers.

We were all laughing so hard we could not breathe, and I nearly fell off of the yoga ball I've adopted as my personal chair.

A New Arrival

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the newest member of the 7502 family (dysfuctional as it is): Seth the Kumquat tree.

You may be wondering why we named our tree after an existing member of our fun-filled family. Simply put, Seth seemed like a fitting name for the place the tree has in our hearts: it is a great addition to the house and it occasionally renders delightful fruit. It is also fitting that if anything happened to the Seth, we could replace him by heading up Aurora with $50.

It's been a big Saturday day at la casa. In addition to buying ourselves a roommate all of us can out debate (finally), we made a trip to Ikea, and David went to the final candidate forum of the season. By the time the Husky game kicked off, the senior members of the house were ready for their Centrum silver and a nap.

I left them spooning on the couch.

Nate the Great, a Knick

Thank you, Comcast, for giving us a preview of NBA League Pass. We aren't going to buy it, because it costs $170. But we did enjoy watching Nate Robinson's first NBA minutes. Awesome. It was late last night when I saw it, David was sleeping. I starting yelling, as I am wont to do, and woke him up, and there was a confrontation. We resolved that screaming at 1am is allowed, but only for Nate Robinson's first NBA assist or points scored.

Hippos Crushed Those Pumpkins

Some say that Seth is a 65 year old man trapped in the body of young East German female swimmer. He loves to make stew, complain about how people run their lives, hates OPS, and every Sunday morning he goes to the zoo.

We usually feign interest until we can come up with a excuse. I blame traffic; Jason takes the more direct approach, “On second thought, no.”

However this Sunday we were chomping at the bit to get over to Woodlawn Park. It was the annual pumpkin bash where animals are allowed to go bat-shit crazy on hollowed out pumpkins. Just thinking about it made us jump and hug with glee.

Early Sunday morning Seth and I made pancakes and bacon…well Seth did most of the work, but I made that batter, girl let me tell you. Steve Unckles and the Randels sisters joined us for the feast. We dined as Kelly and Erin, both of whom were in full costume, regaled us with their adventures from the night before.

At the zoo we met up with Jason and the lovely Saira, both of whom will never know the joy of making a sharp turn with Erin Randels in the car.

We saw hippos, orangutans, and elephants crush the shit of some pumpkins. Although some of us missed the bears because Seth needed Chili, Kelly needed coffee, I wanted tea, and it takes about eight years to be served anything there. Apparently the concessionaires at the zoo get paid by frustration of those in line.

Jason said the bears were the best, but it would have been hard pressed to top the hippos, is their anything more I love than hippos eating pumpkins whole?

Halloween

I have a message for the children of North Seattle:

You ungrateful bastards.

We carve pumpkins, illuminate them, and put them on our porch. We buy massive bags of candy. We turn on all the lights, pull all the blinds. We leave work early to be home when you arrive, chanting your one line and sticking out your feeble arms for the sweet that is to be your prize.

But you don't.

Our doorbell sounded once, all night. That group of three kids got a candy overflow. The rest of you, I hope you grow up to need substantial orthodontic work.

As we were totally bummed, what option did we have other than to don our Halloween get-ups, get drunk on cider laced with rum and stumble over to the costume contest at Aurora's #1 Aussie bar? None. So Jason put on a nomad's hooded, full-length whatever you call it, Saira reprised her communist costume, I had my shirt with a downward-pointing graph (Bush's approval rating), and David in his "Live Strong Bracelet" jumpsuit.

At the bar we witnessed:
-- a man wearing an Incredibles costume attempt to enter himself as "Most Original" (we booed).
-- a girl dressed as Olivia Newton-John violate the city's new strip-club regulations in an attempt to win "Most Sexy" (we cheered).
--David drunk-dialing half of the Western Hemisphere (we encouraged).

Tonight--more tears, as Saira is leaving. But, also, watching the first night of the NBA season.